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Cloaks, RhyDin's New Fashion Craze
I don't know if it's the cool weather or what, but all I sees lately is people donning cloaks. Maybe it's fashionable? Maybe it's cold? Maybe crime is on the rise and people just don't want their face shown? Whatever it is, cloak wearing is definately on the rise.
Gold Rush? Maybe…
According to a single source, there is apparently a gold bane underneath the inn. Where did this come from? And how long has it been there? All that is known is that it is very gold-y, and very bane-y.
Dragon's Paradise?
Somewhere far away in the mountains, high up, and undiscovered, is a beautiful area of land. It is unknown how big the area is, but what is known is that there are many dragons there and it is peaceful. As far as the one who saw it he said there were no guardians there, so it is most likely this isn't Dragon's Vale. Although he is unsure, and will soon investigate a bit more to find out.
Newcomers New Love!
Two newcomers seem to have fallen head over heels for one another - most nights cozied up on one of the couches, all into one another. Too bad the young man is never seen during the day.
Couple's Gossip! Kinda…
There is a certain demon at the inn, who is in love with about three or four different men. I will not give the names, but I will say this, and I quote: "Torture subject? Have you already found yourself a new babysitter?" This is her favorite phrase. She has dumped two of them, but you never know…
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The Sheik Strikes Again!
According to conversations overheard, the Druid seems to have narrowed his harem to not one, but two lovely lasses in RhyDin. The clawed one, mentioned in the last issue of this newspaper, seems to be sharing her treehugger's attention with a decidedly precious lass. Amazingly, both women know about each other and apparently the devotion between the Druid and his women is an understood thing. Perhaps all will be peace, love and harmony in the harem, at least for a while.
Trouble in Paradise!
The Inn's quiet was broken one night when the resident Count finally took exception to the Countess' outlandish behavior, and he lashed out at her, whispering harsh words that made her fall silent - something rarely seen - finally pulling her to him and forcing her out the door. Neither has been seen since.
Man Shortage?
Could there be so few available men in RhyDin that women are driven to catch any male they see? A poor hapless Paladin minding his own business nearly got ensnared by three ladies - one of whom tried to catch the hero in a butterfly net! Fortunately, the net missed its target, and he managed to escape unharmed. Surely there must be better ways to find a date than this!
Strange Love?
It seems someone new has caught the "eye" of a sketally thin lady - a vampiress recently come to town! Can this strange match last? Or will the lack of blood doom them to fail?
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 There's an old joke that goes, "How does a woman get a man in RhyDin?" The answer: "She walks into a room." But we all know that there is far more to having a good relationship than walking into a room and meeting someone. This column is about making better relationships.
Dear Gav, it's hard to believe but… I've been married three times in the least three weeks to three different men. Do you think I'm too 'easy'?
Signed – "Easy Altar-ations"
Dear Easy, Now that you mention it, you're easier than a can of "3-in-One" oil – literally. I suggest that you give up marriage for at least a week or two so that you have time to "thoroughly consider" what you are doing and give the other ladies a chance. Have you considered employment at the Red Velvet Lounge?
Dear Gav, it's hard to believe but… Every time I go into the inn I can't find any single men to talk to. I don't think I'm ugly. I have long red hair, I'm a model,
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and I have a 36-24-36 figure. What's wrong with me that I'm never noticed by the single men?
Signed – Looks like Angelina
Dear Angelina, the problem is obviously that you are in RhyDin. To compete with the women who frequent the Inn and get a man here, I'm afraid you're going to need an extreme makeover. You're obviously disadvantaged being only beautiful. You need to be ridiculously beautiful to have even a remote change at attracting that special man. I wish you good luck with your makeover.
Dear Gav, it's hard to believe but… I find that getting kissed by a dragon is so repulsive that the last time it happened I had to go outside and vomit. Am I unusual? Could it possibly be that I'm a Dragonphobic?
Signed – Straight in RhyDin
Dear Straight, unfortunately I've also been kissed by a dragon and I'm with you, it's pretty damn repulsive. Don't let those dragons try to put the "dragonphobic" label on you. You have the right to your own kissing preferences without feeling guilty or intolerant. Remember, your lips are your own and you have every right to say, "MY lips. NO!!! You can't take my lips from me and kiss them. You want to kiss up someone's lips, go kiss your own. Leave mine alone."
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Tara Rynieyn
Here's the deal, kiddies, I'm pressed for time with the new shipments of RS Water coming in this month, so I could only come up with three comics but dun worry or nuffin, next month I'll have more (I'm going to tell you the REAL story of Thanksgiving, the Cockroach Killa way, not what you were told in school.) Each year millions of kids die on Halloween. Dun ask me why, it's a fact. So here are a few ways you can ensure you dun become a statistic, k? Follow what I say and you'll be good to go! Oh… and… uhh… Happy Halloween and all that jazz! |
Tara Rynieyn
Just cuz you dun know where you are doesn't mean you shouldn't explore! Parents say you should only go trick-or-treating where you are familiar but DCK says, screw em an' their stupid rules! Hey, you can't be attached to yer mother's apron strings forever! If you should get lost on your trick-or-treating travels, be sure to follow the road signs! You can't go wrong! |
