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Surrogate Arrangement
A certain water elemental who often refers to herself as royalty, recently widowed, seems to be mixed up with a local couple who own a prominant local business… and may even be carrying a child for them. Possibly some sort of surrogate arrangement.
Dragon Affair And Angel Torn
The angelic being known as Ichia was talking to me a while ago, and I could hardly hear her words, tears falling like a river down her cheeks. Ichia slowly speaking, little muffled though "Why would Ty do that to me? I've done nothing to deserve that…" She was sobbing madly. As I knew her before her wings were usually a bright cheery glow, but now they were blackened for some reason, I asked her what he had done, and if I could help or not. "He cheated on me… just because I was away for a few days, he slept with someone else, he said he was worried and scared that I was cheating… how could I cheat on him?!" She was in a state, so she and her Brother, who was with her the whole time she was speaking. "King or no king of our land, we will all hunt him down and he will never be welcomed there again." To be honest to god, Her brother Oni scared me even. Then Ichia talked to me again. "I don't know why he did what he did but… I still love him to this day… I just hope he still loved me." That was when her brother took her off through some strange portal. I have no idea where or why. But this reporter will try and keep updates on this.
Cheating Overlord?
Recently the Overlord was seen buying drinks and cozying up with a lovely young woman at the Inn - inquiring minds wonder if his new wife knows about it.
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Possible Romance?
A pretty green-haired elf informed this reporter that one of the Inn's regulars - with a love of throwing around an evil, silver, metal, ball - was going away on a long mission to outer space. The elf in question seemed fairly upset and this reporter has to wonder if there is a possibly romantic attachment that is causing such feelings in the green-haired one.
Husband Swap
One crazy red-head that visits the Red Dragon Inn has been heard pressing her best friend to sleep with her husband. The best friend has been refusing adamantly but we at the Oracle wonder how long she can hold out against the husband's charming, growing, beer belly and absolutely delicious unibrow.
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An Advice Column On RhyDin Relationships
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 There's an old joke that goes, "How does a woman get a man in RhyDin?" The answer: "She walks into a room." But we all know that there is far more to having a good relationship than walking into a room and meeting someone. This column is about making better relationships.
Dear Gav, it's hard to believe but… My husband becomes irrational every time he reads The Oracle newspaper that you write for. He complains to me and then rants and raves all around our home about the reporters, the way the stories are written, the facts, the cartoonist, and everything else that has to do with the newspaper. He even says very nasty things about your column. He gets himself so worked up that he writes off a nasty letter to the editor and then we don't have any intimacy for the remainder of the month. This has been very hard on our marriage. What am I to do?
Signed — Wife Of Irrational Husband
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Dear W.O.I.H., I've seen your husband's letters. I would recommend a tablespoon of poison in his evening meal every night for the next two weeks. That should eliminate the problem — yours and ours.
Dear Gav, it's hard to believe but… my wife is perfect in every way imaginable, except one - she has to bring home every stray animal that she sees! I'm not exaggerating when I tell you that my home has become a pet store gone wild. I can't walk into the living room without kicking a cat, I can't sit down without first removing an animal from the seat, and I can't even make love with my wife without having several dogs watching and occasionally trying to participate. What am I to do with my wife?
Signed — Going Zooie
Dear Zooie, love your wife and accept her for being the way she is. You see, those things that irritate us about a person are often just the opposite end of what attracted us to the person in the first place. You were surely attracted by her kindness and caring. That same attribute has your home filled with animals. For now, be thankful that it's only fluffy zoo animals that she's bringing home.
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Tara Rynieyn
This be the story of "Thanks Be To Givin" or, like the rest of you dumb peoples like to say, "Turkey Day" |
Tara Rynieyn
Way back when, some people in a place called IngLund, deciding they was sick of being told what to do by their church, got together on some boats and headed for a place they heard of where they would be free to eat what they want, sleep all day and not have to answer to nobody. The three ships they used were called the "Nina", the "Pinta", and the "Santa… nobody remembers what this one was called." These people were called Pilgrims. Life was good. |
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Tara Rynieyn
The boats could only hold so many. Sadly, some pilgrims were left behind. |
Tara Rynieyn
Eventually the Pilgrims came upon the land they had sought for so long. The rock their boats crashed into was called "Plymouth Rock" and was, in no way, damaged by the poor navigational efforts of the boat's captains. |
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Tara Rynieyn
The same could not be said for the Nina, Pinta and Santa-somethingorother, which were smashed to smithereens and many pilgrims drowned. |
Tara Rynieyn
The death of so many pilgrims led the remainder to want to give thanks to their God for sparing them and smiting down the others so they went off in search of some food to have a feast. But they soon discovered… they were not alone! |
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Tara Rynieyn
A new kind of person emerged… one the pilgrims had never seen. They were a strangely dressed people with bare skin and feathers in their hair. The pilgrims were amazed by them and began to call them "Indians", which, if you don't know means "featherhead" in their native tongue. |
Tara Rynieyn
The Indians were nice to the pilgrims and taught them lots of stuff, like how to harvest vegetables like corn. |
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Tara Rynieyn
While some pilgrims planted crops, others set to work on building suitable housing. These dwellings were called log cabins and were made primarily of wood. |
Tara Rynieyn
Soon the pilgrims began to grow tired of eating corn all the time, so they took their guns, called "bastions", and set out to shoot them up some meat. |
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Tara Rynieyn
Then the pilgrims decided to thank their Indian friends for all they had done to show them how to survive in the new world by making them a feast. This banquet included turkey, cranberries, squash, pumpkin, and yes, even some of that corn. They called this "Thanksgiving" in honor of the Indians giving so much and because God drowned most of their family and friends, leaving more food for them to enjoy. Sweet, huh? |
Tara Rynieyn
After the first harsh Winter passed, the pilgrims soon forgot what the Indians had done for them because they were busy making a new life for themselves. This angered the Indians greatly. |
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Tara Rynieyn
Taking up their weapons of war called "tomahawks", the Indians went to teach the pilgrims a lesson by cutting off their hair and scalp. This is referred to as "scalping" and even a Cockroach Killa has to wonder if that doesn't hurt like a mofo! |
Tara Rynieyn
Now, the pilgrims, much lesser in number, got together to plan an appropriate response. |
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Tara Rynieyn
They sent one of their emissaries to give the Indian leader a peace offering. |
Tara Rynieyn
The Indians took these gifts back to their teepees and used them to sleep on with their little indian wives. Little did they know that what the pilgrims had given them was far from "friendly" |
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Tara Rynieyn
Slowly but surely a lot of Indians began to get sick and the pilgrims rejoiced. |
Tara Rynieyn
After this the Pilgrims and Indians stayed away from each other and never again ate Thanksgiving dinner together although the Pilgrims continued the tradition each year as a way to thumb their noses at the Indians. Life continued on as it always seems to do and after many years of eating turkey, corn they couldn't stomach, and suffering with diseases they could neither cure nor name, the pilgrims got bored and turned on each other. |
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Tara Rynieyn
The elder members of pilgrim society, after seeing many of their young afflicted with a new disease that caused them to shriek and scream for no apparent reason whatsoever, concluded that this must be the work of the devil and *not* because they were just making up stories and acting in an unneighborly fashion. |
Tara Rynieyn
Pretty soon, most every woman that the afflicted children shrieked or screamed at or just basically didn't like, were put on trial and were forced to prove they were not witches by going through a series of embarassing exams and ridiculous tests. |
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Tara Rynieyn
Those that could not pass the tests were tied to a stake and burned. The End. |
Tara Rynieyn
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