Saturday afternoon at about five PM by the Eastern clock, Rita's Ruby Rings and More was robbed by a pair of armed robbers. The pair entered the store dressed to the nines, and shopped around for about forty minutes before pulling weapons on the staff and demanding them to empty the cases.
Though they got away with a number of necklaces, rings and tennis bracelets, they were choosy with what they were taking, and the woman was trying on diamond rings throughout the robbery. Rebecca Walters, head clerk at the store said of the robbery, "It was odd, it was like they were shopping. The woman, who had an awful accent, kept trying on rings while the man kept yelling at her to get a move on." Lucky, there were not that many customers in the store.
Though Ms. Walters hit the silent alarm, it was about an hour before the Guard was available to show up on the scene. When questioned about this time lapse, Lt. Rox Arga said, "Right now the city has to triage its response. Violence comes before robbery, that's just the way it is." Though the owners felt a bit differently. Ruby Ringwald, longtime holder of the family shop said, "It's unfortunate the police here in RhyDin don't value private property. We intend to sue the city for our losses."
The suspects escaped the scene without issue and left on foot into the market. Ron Trobelta, a customer, had this to say, "All in all, it wasn't that shocking. They were kind enough, and seemed excited about the ring, if nothing else. I've been in at least five robberies this year, and this was by far the least violent… Though, I would say that the pair isn't done. They seemed too practiced for this to be a one time affair."
War Declared on Tragedy
By POE KINCADE
With the early morning hours of October 17 came reports of a declaration of war. To RhyDin, a country known the world over for violence and regular battles of a epic scale, this is not the most unusual occurrence. What set this declaration apart from others is that this war appears to be a War on Tragedy, or as the fliers state, a War of Laughter.
These fliers were found throughout various districts in RhyDin city, and stated the following:
A CHALLENGE has been issued!
A WAR has been declared!
A WAR of LAUGHTER!
As in the grim kinds of war, this WAR has rules.
Do not cause harm to the living, dead or undead.
Do not damage valued property.
Live weapons are forbidden.
You may use harmless implements in this WAR of LAUGHTER. The winning side or sides shall be declared in twenty eight days' time.
At press time, no single person or organization had claimed responsibility for
the fliers. This did not stop the patrons of RhyDin's famed Red Dragon Inn from having an opinion on the War of Laughter.
"I approve of it. I wish whomever is responsible much success," said Corlanthis Wystansayr, of RhyDin.
"That seems harmless enough," said Soerl Lute, also of RhyDin. Regarding whether or not he would participate in this war, he added, "Depends, I suppose. Doesn't seem to have any clear cut rules or anything."
"This is a load of malarky," huffed Benny Chen, of East Frayswick. "A War of Laughter? What does that even mean? And at a time like this? People have better things to be doing. This is a time of rebuilding, of pulling yourself up by the bootstraps. Not a time for laughter and joking around. No wonder this town has gone to hell."
November 14 will mark the last of the twenty-eight day period specified in the Declaration of the War of Laughter. While some citizens wait on the sidelines, some are plunging headlong into the forefront of this battle. It remains to be seen whether this war will truly impact the denizens of RhyDin city.
As of press time, there are no casualties to report.
A Declaration of Love!
By ELLY~
In this city there seems to be way too much gloominess when you're walking around, especially in alleys! It's always dark and smelly and gross! But I was walking around The Red Dragon Inn and saw the most amazing thing in the alley behind it!
There was a splash of a multitude of colors, almost like a rainbow on the wall! Someone had painted out a beautiful message on the walls. 'Piper HEARTS Stitch'. Isn't that so romantic!? A message of love put a big spark of hope in that dark alley, so I think we can all learn a lot from Piper's love message to whoever this 'Stitch' is.
I hope to meet him someday, because for a girl to go to those efforts? He's gotta be so tall and dark and handsome! Good luck getting your man Piper! I hope he HEARTS you too!
Kindergarten Pictures
Gavilean Starfare
Recently discovered evidence that our Governor Kitty is having a positive influence on our schools, living up to her campaign promises.
Dead
Menlth — A dragon amoung dragons, or so I'm told. Personally, I never liked him after he charbroiled my cat for an afternoon snack.
Drusilla Flingbottom — And along with her, my last source for street grade fairy dust.
Mostly Dead
Gerand Courtney — His death is only forstalled by the fact that I can't find him anywhere, the lying snitch.
Not Dead Yet
Enrique Jose Emmanuel Antonio Luis Valdez — A name that makes love to your tongue.
All Creatures Big and Small
Classifieds
EMPLOYMENT OPPORTUNITIES: The Prestigious Bonny Corporation is currently seeking a new Spiritual Advisor, and a Staff Necromancer. Due to potential conflicts of interest these roles will not be filled by the same person. To send resumes or schedule employment interviews, please contact Mary Read. Part-time or contract work may be negotiated.
Hellballs Leather Goods — "When you need more than skin, Hellballs Leather Goods. After all, it's your hide you are protecting." — To place your order or for more information contact Woody Sprite. You can leave a message for him at the Red Dragon Inn.
Scathachian Sanctuary — Negotiation-irradication services for victims of injustice. For consultation interview (including fees), one may contact the Sanctuary directly, or Isuelt DeRomiano at the Red Dragon Inn.
Guthorm Othinsson is looking for work as a "Gar Bag Collector!" He says he is willing to "rub out your gar bag" for you anytime, anywhere, in RhyDin and surrounding areas. This Norseman comes with a sterling reputation for always getting the job done no matter how small or how large it may be you can count on Guthorm Othinsson to see to it that the work is done and done right the first time!
Only serious inquiries please. Messages may be left at the Red Dragon Inn in care of Guthorm Othinsson.
Starfare Wedding Boutique — We here at Starfare Wedding Boutique offer several different plans to make that once in a lifetime occasion something that you and the love of your life can look back on with fond memories as your paths become one forevermore. For more information contact Gavilean or Tera Starfare either at their home or their mail boxes at the Red Dragon Inn.
To submit your classified send a ((private)) message to the Editor.
