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DEAR EDITOR, I have something to say about this paper. It sucks! It's pages upon pages of nonsense. And this cartoonist you have? Rubbish! I've seen better scrawlings on the bathroom walls in the Inn!
Hurry up and get some real reporters, and for heavens sake, get a real cartoonist. Or at least get the girl some drawing lessons.
Completely Put Off
DEAR PUT OFF, thank you so much for your suggestion. I will file this letter where it belongs. In the forget about it file.
DEAR EDITOR, what the hell is up with the dragon population boom? Isn't this place crowded enough? And then, to top it all off, they keep crowding up the Inn!! Couldn't they at least do us all a favor and shrink down to a more human form so the rest of us could have a little elbow room while trying to enjoy our drinks?
Crowded Citizen
DEAR CROWDED CITIZEN, I know a few dragons that will be interested in reading your letter. I'll let them handle this situation as they think it should be handled.
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DEAR EDITOR, a political edition? Are you people off your rockers? Nobody around here cares about politics except the politicians. Blithering idiots, the whole lot of them. Give us more of what we want! Gossip! Nudie pics! Exposing articles of the pretty women! If we're going to have to deal with controversy, at least make it something worth killing those trees you people slaughter month after month.
Exasperated Enquirer
DEAR EXASPERATED, I will pass this on to Gavilean, our photographer, I'm sure he will love to fullfill your request.
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Aries
March 21-April 19
As lovers entwine all around you in this month of Love, you get the feeling like your own relationship is suffering badly. Your instincts prove correct. He's cheating on you and you have been too stupid to see it. Dump him and take up a hobby like magic-carpet riding. It's fun, it allows for free movement, and you don't have to worry about the carpet respecting you come the morning.
Taurus
April 20-May 20
You're nothing but a whiner, you know that? It's always me, me, me with you, Taurus. As the triple moons collide with the four suns this month, you had best start putting others needs before your own or you risk losing all you worked hard for at the beginning.
Gemini
May 21-June 21
Think you got it bad? A neighbor asks for some sugar this month but has ulterior motives. Slip some cyanide into the bowl and then go read a nice book. You'll thank yourself for it later.
Cancer
June 22-July 22
You're like a fungus that just keeps on spreading. Want to scratch that itch? Find your own back-scratcher. Stealing what doesn't belong to you is not only bad for your image but it makes you look desperate. Walk away now or else.
Leo
July 23-August 22
Don't be a bull in a china shop. Think about what you say before you open your mouth. Take heed this month, a former flame comes knocking at your door when you least expect it. Don't open the door and keep the candles down low, otherwise you're in for some bad mojo.
Virgo
August 23-September 22
Trouble surrounds you like the stench of decay in a graveyard. You need to take a step back and think about your latest course of action. Is what you want really worth losing all that you had ever hoped for? Concentrate on improving your self-respect and lose the fanciful notions.
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Libra
September 23-October 22
If it ain't broke, don't fix it. Your priorities are for crap, Libra. You need to let others make their own mistakes for a change. Clean out your closet this month. There is something waiting for you there that you haven't seen in a long time.
Scorpio
October 23 - November 21
Time to go to the doctor! Something wicked is brewing in that left lung of yours. Might be the Black Death, could be nothing. If you're coughing, though, it's time to start thinking about burial plots. It's never too early to prepare for the inevitable!
Sagittarius
November 22-December 21
Stop being ridiculous. No one is talking about you behind your back because no one cares what you do or say. Give that admirer of yours a second chance and try smiling this time around.
Capricorn
December 22-January 19
This month is no better than last. You're still trudging along eschewing proper protocol for what you think will help you get ahead. It won't. A coworker's claims that they found the secret to success are all lies. Think about it. If they're so smart, why are they still clinging to the bottom rung?
Aquarius
January 20-February 18
A family member falls ill and asks you to complete some paperwork. Read very carefully before you sign on the dotted line or you could wind up taking on more than you can chew. They will die anyway. No need to drag yourself down with them.
Pisces
February 19-March 20
You will have love interests coming out of your nostrils this month! You may feel the need to run away and scream, but don't. Stay your ground and choose the one that glows blue. This person is your soul mate though you wouldn't know it the way you've treated them recently. They forgive you but will you forgive yourself?
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Skyler Jackson Chamberland was found deceased in the morning hours of January 24th. Details are sketchy, but his death does not appear to be of natural causes. The Warlord and former Baron of New Haven will be buried in the RhyDin cemetery. Services will be private. He is survived by his lady, Jewell Ravenlock, and her brothers and sisters.
"Cain" Moretti was found dead in the remains of his burned home on January 10, 2007. He has no known relatives in RhyDin.
All Creatures Big and Small
RhyDin At Night
Watch the town square for my call,
I'm about to deck the hall,
You send your boys out to play,
But I'm here to stay,
Your cries for mercy make me grin,
Your squirming last moments dare my sin.
HELP WANTED: Ravensheart School is contemplating the expansion of its curriculum to include not only lessons of various magical natures, but also a more normal choice of subjects:
Math, Literature, Science, Health, Cooking, Wilderness survival, horsemanship and more.
We are in need of competent and caring teachers and professors to come and teach the children, all children, of RhyDin here. All those interested, please contact either Sha'uri Arrowny or Briarius Ravensheart at the Ravensheart School for the Gifted.
JOB OPPORTUNITY Seeking a competent and caring Groomsman to care for and help in the process of breeding Firebrand horses here in RhyDin. Experience in the care of horses a must, experience with Firebrand horses is preferred. Will train the right candidate. Room and board can be arranged. Only the serious may inquire at the Ravensheart School for the Gifted. Go to the main Administration building. Ask for Sha'uri.
Hellballs Leather Goods — "When you need more than skin, Hellballs Leather Goods. After all, it's your hide you are protecting." — To place your order or for more information contact Woody Sprite. You can leave a message for him at the Red Dragon Inn.
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Starfare Wedding Boutique — We here at Starfare Wedding Boutique offer several different plans to make that once in a lifetime occasion something that you and the love of your life can look back on with fond memories as your paths become one forevermore. For more information contact Gavilean or Tera Starfare either at their home or their mail boxes at the Red Dragon Inn.
Cargo Hauling, cheeeeeeap! — Courier for hire, I can take anything anywhere you want it to go. Contact box in the Red Dragon Inn, room five. Fees negotiable. Misty
Scathachian Sanctuary — Negotiation-irradication services for victims of injustice. For consultation interview (including fees), one may contact the Sanctuary directly, or Isuelt DeRomiano at the Red Dragon Inn.
Guthorm Othinsson is looking for work as a "Gar Bag Collector!" He says he is willing to "rub out your gar bag" for you anytime, anywhere, in RhyDin and surrounding areas. This Norseman comes with a sterling reputation for always getting the job done no matter how small or how large it may be you can count on Guthorm Othinsson to see to it that the work is done and done right the first time!
Only serious inquiries please. Messages may be left at the Red Dragon Inn in care of Guthorm Othinsson.
DESPERATELY SEEKING no one, to do nothing, at the RhyDin Springs Water factory. This person I'm looking for shouldn't exist and in doing so, must not be able to lift between 50 - 75 lbs and be customer-oriented. They will not be paid a decent wage, including medical/dental benfits, and will have no hope for a good retirement plan. The unjob includes twenty personal and vacation days that will never be used. Please do not respond to this ad in person or by telephone, we won't want to hear from you. All RhyDinians are ugly, stupid and useless anyway.
To submit your classified send a ((private)) message to the Editor.
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