A duchess and her man have finally called it quits (we think this may be for the last time!). Supposedly duchy's man asked her for a divorce, do they even do those in RhyDin?
Lover's Spat
No surprise, another lovers spat happened in the Inn this month. We can't think of anything clever to call the two involved so we'll just say one was named "D" and the other "S". After D called S bloody psychotic earlier in the week, it all went down hill for him and the relationship came to a fiery verbal finish behind the bar.
Family Affair
We can't really make heads or tails of the situation! First it was best friend and best friend going after the same pirate-y captain! Now it's best friend and sister!? The Ice Queen was seen caressing the cheek of the pirate her sister has been eyeing and mackin' it with for weeks now! Best part? She has her own pirate at home! Leave some for your sister, hunny… she's lonely!
Elopement?
Lady Lavender was recently seen at the popular Red Dragon Inn wearing, get this, a wedding dress! Could it be that she's finally settled down and chosen one of her many admirers to elope with? The only question that begs to be answered now is… which one?
A step down? A step up?
A certain Duchess has been keeping company with a very attractive, very ripped Leathersmith as of late. They've even been seen leaving the inn together! Of course any and all suspicions of what's going on between the two was confirmed when the Leathersmith was seen stealing a kiss from The Duchess and she didn't seem to object to it at all!
Budding Romancing?
A certain poet who seems to have quite the entourage of beautiful women as of late, including a mad Duchess, pretty green haired elf, and lavender haired vixen, seems to have finally settled on choosing a girl! Now, he spends his times with a colorfully dressed Seer. Could it be friendship, or something more?
Action, Action, We Want Action
Miss Fashion and the new Overlady were seen stepping into a private office at the Outback. With Fashion possibly bereaved of her man and the Overlady possibly at odds with hers (she totally stole his title!) we think they may have been consoling each other, maybe even with hugs and kisses. The Overlady certainly looked to be in a better mood when she stepped out, I would be too if I was spending some private time with Miss Fashion.
Snip Snip
Another person in one of the dueling environs has mentioned that they too have heard the rumor about a certain Roman-esque dueler being a eunuch. We're going to have to send one of our younger, good looking reporters to finally get the scoop on this one once and for all.
There's an old joke that goes, "How does a woman get a man in RhyDin?" The answer: "She walks into a room." But we all know that there is far more to having a good relationship than walking into a room and meeting someone. This column is about making better relationships.
Dear Gav, it's hard to believe but… I followed your instructions for the electro shock therapy and it worked! My husband doesn't snore anymore! But now I have another problem. When he is… in the mood… he lights up like a bulb! What do I do now?!
Signed — No longer longing for silence
Dear No Longer Longing, I hope you used 120V and not the 240V. The 240V is fine for your oven and an arc welder, but a man's toggle is just not rated for that. However, a man who lights up at the thought of intimacy can be very useful and gives new meaning to being "turned on". I suggest you make good use of this "side effect". The savings on your electric bills will be outstanding if he's a typical Rhy'Dinian male. If the Oracle readers see lights on in your barn late at night, we'll keep right on passing by.
Dear Gav, it's hard to believe but… I followed your instructions on how to get the attention of a RhyDin princess. I did the yawning, but that didn't work. Tried to do the hair comment, but I just couldn't because she's so perfect. So I tried the other one. I tried the "When's the baby due?" line on the princess and ended up spending two weeks in the hospital from the beating I got. Thanks a lot!
Signed — Benched & Crowned
Dear Crowned, well the good news is that she noticed you. I now surmise that you meant in a POSITIVE way. RhyDinian princesses are a difficult bunch to please, but perhaps we can yet salvage this
budding romance. Write a letter and tell her that every time you look at your deep, multi-color bruises, you think of her. The red of the bruise reminds you of her ruby-colored lips. The blue in the bruises can't begin to match the color of her eyes. The yellow areas remind you of how she's the sun in your life, and the purples represent the beautiful sunsets you dream of sharing together. The black around your eyes shine like her raven hair, and the cast on your arm represents how "hard" it is not to gaze upon her every moment. I'm sure that this will win her over. Princesses love it when a man can think only of them even when in excruciating pain.
Dear Gav, it's hard to believe but… if it's late at night and you can't figure out what to do with your girl, what do you advise going after in the kitchen, for two?
Much love, The Guitaroo Man.
Dear Guitaroo Man, This is easy. Four words — chocolate syrup and whipped cream. Works like a charm. Both are delicious and sweet and women love chocolate and whipped cream. The different textures give you flexibility. Of course, if the woman you're with is not quite your cup of tea, I'd suggest Doritos and Cheese Doodles; they put an end to kissing like nothing else in the universe. By the way, they're also recommended as the perfect food while on the way to the dentist. Guaranteed you'll be out of that chair-of-pain in three minutes or less!
Prep Time: 15 min
Total Time: 1 hr 15 min
Makes: 6 (2 cup) servings
1 bag (10 oz.) mixed salad greens
6 plum tomatoes, chopped
8 CLAUSSEN Kosher Dill Mini Pickles, chopped
4 hard-cooked eggs, chopped
2 cups cubed ham
1 small red onion, chopped
3/4 cup KRAFT Peppercorn Ranch Dressing
PLACE greens in bottom of large salad bowl. LAYER tomatoes, pickles, eggs, ham and onion over greens in bowl. SPREAD dressing evenly over top of salad. Refrigerate 1 hour or until ready to serve.
Comments:
Try putting into an Easter bucket and use gardeners spades for scoops. Substitute grilled chicken breasts in place of or in addition to the ham.
Pesto Chicken Florentine
Extremely rich combination of chicken, spinach and creamy pesto sauce. Serve with crunchy bread and romaine salad - the best!
Heat oil in a large skillet over medium high heat. Add garlic, saute for 1 minute; then add chicken and cook for 7 to 8 minutes on each side. When chicken is close to being cooked through (no longer pink inside), add spinach and saute all together for 3 to 4 minutes.
Meanwhile, prepare Alfredo sauce according to package directions. When finished, stir in 2 tablespoons pesto; set aside.
In a large pot of salted boiling water, cook pasta for 8 to 10 minutes or until al dente. Rinse under cold water and drain.
Add chicken/spinach mixture to pasta, then stir in pesto/Alfredo sauce. Mix well, top with cheese and serve.
