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DEAR EDITOR, I was wondering if you had any advice on how to clear chibbles from my poor gryphon's fur. He's a wonderful companion but those chibbles are driving him crazy and I've run out of home remedies to try. Have you ever run any stories about effective chibble removal?
Sincerely, Gornar the Magnificent
DEAR MAGNIFICENT, Des' Moonshine! Pour a bit on a rag and rub it on the spots where they live. Be sure and perform this procedure outside and away from open flames to prevent any untoward occurances. Don't worry if the fur falls out, it will grow back. If that doesn't cure the problem then we are sad to inform you that your wonderful companion may not have much longer to be in this world.
DEAR EDITOR, Please find enclosed my invoice for the damages incurred to my home after my husband read your article
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titled "Outback Bar Room Brawl!" His name was not mentioned and he was very put out to have not gotten any reference whatsoever for his part in ensuring that the great ale barrels were not harmed.
Sincerely, Annoyed With Everyone
DEAR ANNOYED, You just think you've got problems. I've got reporters shoting people in my reception area and printers going on strike. Take your complaints to someone that doesn't need the printers that are on strike to answer them.
For All Things Magical
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This month we are featuring homes in Rhy'Din that have both wonderful and unusual views of our fair land.
This waterfront property provides an abundance of living space, seclusion, security, and a wonderful view of the ocean from nearly every side.
Can a house get any cozier than this little beauty! It boasts 360 degrees of ocean view, and when the tide comes in the underwater scenes are spectacular.
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If the water is not your thing, we are offering this exclusive little "high rise" in the mountains. Get a bird's eye view of the countryside. Parties and wild sex are not recommended.
Our final offering is a home that makes use of land that that has a slight grade. Be the first on the ski slopes in the winter months!
Do you want to see your home featured? Do you want to sell your house or rent an apartment? Sennd your ((private)) message to Gavilean Starfare.
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Local Thief Brings Battle to a Halt
A huge battle was postponed today on a technicality. Samtod Basstow, a Halfling-thief, drew the ire of his fellow soldiers when he showed up for the war wearing a full set of plate mail. According to the rules of his universe a Halfling-thief cannot wear heavy armor and is limited to leather for the time being; maybe some light chain mail down the road. "This is completely unfair and the rules should be changed," insisted Basstow, who shone like a beacon of light as the sun beat down and reflected off the shiny armor that his children got for him for his birthday. "I mean my armor class is already crap so what is leather going to do? I might as well just go naked." The battle has been rescheduled for tomorrow morning but there is still no word on what Basstow will be wearing.
A Local Area Man Eats a Sandwich Then Dispels Ancient Myth
A local area man dispelled an ancient myth today after years of believing it was in fact a fact. Nearly minutes after enjoying an egg salad sandwich on rye and a Big Grab bag of wavy Lays potato chips, Tony, 34, a local wizard who wanted to keep his last name quiet for fear of angry myth lovers, dispelled an ancient myth that has fascinated worlds for eons and eons.
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"It was an ancient myth and I dispelled it," the local wizard said. "I'm not surprised though because I'm really on my game after a good sandwich. In a word I dominated on that myth. Dominated!" Tony went on to say that "my mother told me that myth as a child" and that now that the truth is out he thinks his "mom is a liar and a big dummy head" and blames her lies for his screwed up life.
A friendly Bard-Off Goes Bad Wrong
Two bards are dead today after what one witness could only describe as "musical carnage of which the eyes have never seen." Another witness called it an "adrenaline fueled joy ride that made me want to sit down." The two bards, whose identities are being kept from the public while the investigation is ongoing, were killed in what we now understand was a Bard-Off. The Bard-Off or B.O. as the kids like to call it, started late last night when one of the bards challenged the other by stating he was a better inward singer. According to one witness it only escalated from there, "At first it was fine, a friendly competition but then it started to get out of hand. After the singing it was the harp, then the mandolin, then the fiddle, and by the time they got to the banjos it was way out of hand. They were dueling banjos and then their heads exploded." Police have not ruled out foul play.
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Michael James Jonas De'Mero passed away due to what the Coroner has currently determined to be heart failure. This however is stated in the report to be after severe physical trauma. The reason for the trauma has not been reported as some claims have been made that the body has disappeared from the Coroner’s department and there had only been a preliminary examination done.
Michael known to friends and family simply as "Jonas" is survived by his older brother Dameon Phoenix, younger sister Kira Aso, fiancé Gentlefrost Shimmerwing and Clan members Ness Bell, Serenity Kiern, Yuki Hiroshima, Feilas Wyndael, Reanna Falassion and Marie.
At this time funeral arrangements are pending and will be announced by his older brother Dameon Phoenix once they have been arranged.
Official Tera Starfare Disclaimer: This is not to say that they are dead and gone forever however. This is to say that they are dead, buried, and have gravestones at the time of this printing of The Oracle.
All Creatures Big and Small
HELP WANTED: Ravensheart School is contemplating the expansion of its curriculum to include not only lessons of various magical natures, but also a more normal choice of subjects:
Math, Literature, Science, Health, Cooking, Wilderness survival, horsemanship and more.
We are in need of competent and caring teachers and professors to come and teach the children, all children, of RhyDin here. All those interested, please contact either Sha'uri Arrowny or Briarius Ravensheart at the Ravensheart School for the Gifted.
JOB OPPORTUNITY Seeking a competent and caring Groomsman to care for and help in the process of breeding Firebrand horses here in RhyDin. Experience in the care of horses a must, experience with Firebrand horses is preferred. Will train the right candidate. Room and board can be arranged. Only the serious may inquire at the Ravensheart School for the Gifted. Go to the main Administration building. Ask for Sha'uri.
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Cargo Hauling, cheeeeeeap! — Courier for hire, I can take anything anywhere you want it to go. Contact box in the Red Dragon Inn, room five. Fees negotiable. Misty
Starfare Wedding Boutique — We here at Starfare Wedding Boutique offer several different plans to make that once in a lifetime occasion something that you and the love of your life can look back on with fond memories as your paths become one forevermore. For more information contact Gavilean or Tera Starfare either at their home or their mail boxes at the Red Dragon Inn.
Hellballs Leather Goods — "When you need more than skin, Hellballs Leather Goods. After all, it's your hide you are protecting." — To place your order or for more information contact Woody Sprite. You can leave a message for him at the Red Dragon Inn.
Scathachian Sanctuary — Negotiation-irradication services for victims of injustice. For consultation interview (including fees), one may contact the Sanctuary directly, or Isuelt DeRomiano at the Red Dragon Inn.
Guthorm Othinsson is looking for work as a "Gar Bag Collector!" He says he is willing to "rub out your gar bag" for you anytime, anywhere, in RhyDin and surrounding areas. This Norseman comes with a sterling reputation for always getting the job done no matter how small or how large it may be you can count on Guthorm Othinsson to see to it that the work is done and done right the first time!
Only serious inquiries please. Messages may be left at the Red Dragon Inn in care of Guthorm Othinsson.
To submit your classified send a ((private)) message to the Editor.
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