|
By MARC FRANCO
What? Did you think your Gossip GangSTAR would forget you?!?! Of course not, my pretties! We are back (and looking fabulous might I add) to dive into those difficult morality questions that one is always facing in the ever changing world of RhyDin!
Now jot these down, lovelies! You never know when they might come in handy.
Rule: "Never trust a seXXXy pirate!"
While Jewell and Stephen have appeared like a nauseatingly sweet couple for over a month now, Stephen has not left behind his flirtatious ways. Just this past weekend Stephen was in the Inn making eyes at cute freckled face Raye, hot fellow sailor Shylah, AND golden-haired knock-out Alana! This was after Stephen's now infamous strip tease in the Inn several weeks prior. While some women may just turn the other cheek to such gallivanting we do not believe it will be much longer before Jewell nails Stephen's favorite jewels to the proverbial wall. Thus, ladies, while pirates may be deliciously delightful in bed never trust that they do not have several women on the side just waiting for you to turn your back!
Rule: "Being emotionally unavailable rises your stock ten fold."
Poor dear sweet Bast! He's been overheard on several occasions pouring out his heart and declaring that he still is in love with his ex-wife Erin. He has been told by several of her friends to forget it but it seems that the man just cannot get over the horse-like brunette. All the while Bast has been getting more than one second look from the women in the Inn but he seems completely clueless. In fact, shortly after his return to RhyDin, he was seen in the company of several of the women of DoD who seemed to find him particularly yummy. Well, there's nothing better than a good bit of revenge sex to make you feel better, right? And who better to engage in meaningless sex with than a couple of the girls from DoD?
Rule: "When in doubt, annul, annul, annul!"
Speaking of the women of DoD, reason number 593 as to why one should not drink with these women: they will
|
encourage you to get married while completely wasted. What do you do when your commitment-phobe best friend gets trashed? Arrange an impromptu wedding, of course! After urging from PJ and Rena, a very drunk Charlie married the Inn's resident good boy Cor earlier this month. Ever since the hangovers have worn off, the word "annulment" has been floating off the lips of her more responsible friends and even Charlie herself while Cor has been busy spending a good deal of time with Miss B. As of the time of print of this article, rumor has it that the couple is still wed.
Rule: "Keep your wife and your professional escort out of the same room."
Doesn't this just seem like common sense to you? Yes, it does to us as well. Unfortunately, our current Overlord Harris and common sense don't seem to cross paths too often. Harris's "kick butt/take names" wife Stick is back frequenting the dueling venues after taking a far too extended leave of absence after the birth of the couple's son. She doesn't seem to have any patience for Shey — Harris's stripper/arm candy. To date there has been not been a vicious, hair-pulling cat fight but we are keeping out fingers crossed!
And with that, we must take our leave from you for this edition of the Oracle! But don't forget! Your Gossip GangSTAR never rests and will continue to bring the lastest and GREATEST gossip to you every single day!
|
|
By DR FIGMUND SROID
"I am a figment of my own Imagination Doctor" this was the statement given to me by one of my patients recently. Further conversation with this patient revealed the extent of his delusion.
"Every day I wake up, sit down at the breakfast table, and close my eyes. I imagine the table is full of food, steaming and delicious. When I open my eyes again I find that before me is a plate of bacon and eggs, a stack of pancakes and a cup of coffee. I walk out my front door and close my eyes, and imagine that someone is coming to take me to my office, I open my eyes and before me is a coach with a coachman at the door."
"Everything I imagine comes true Doctor. I closed my eyes once and imagined that a beautiful woman was sharing my bed, and when I woke up I was married and the father of twins. Thus I conclude that I am a product of my own imagination, and that every night when I go to sleep, I dream the world for myself anew."
I questioned the man as to his eating and drinking habits, and about his professional and personal life. I found that he spent a good deal of his time drinking, and that he ran an oddly rich business.
My conclusion was that rich men with narcissistic tendencies should not consume large amounts of alcohol.
|
Dr. Sroid is the resident doctor at the RhyDin Asylum, and Founder of Dr. Figmund's Mail Order Psychology Clinic. The clinic welcomes your letter, and is open at all hours to serve your insanity needs.
By GAVILEAN STARFARE
Some residents of RhyDin have wondered how The Oracle has managed to get such intimate photos without being noticed. The answer is simple — creative hiring. Maximus, our hamster with a camera, is seen doing voyeur photos of family members. No one is safe when Maximus has a camera in his paws.
|
|
By GAVILEAN STARFARE
With all the beautiful people here in our friendly city, it's very tempting to try the latest products on the market to make us even more attractive. Be warned that not all products have been thoroughly tested by the RFDA (Rhy'Din Food and Drug Administration) as this poor individual found out. She was overheard saying, "All I wanted was to have hair as pretty as Jewell's." Consumer beware!!
|
By ELLY~
It has come to my attention that in recent weeks many people have taken to wearing fedoras. Young and old, male and female. It doesn't matter who, but somewhere along the line people must have gotten the false impression that fedoras were made for everyone.
This isn't true!
Fedoras are hats made for old men only! So it's really unflattering when a young man wears one, or a girl! I understand some have bad hair that needs to be covered, or some want to be stylish like myself, but fedoras aren't the answer!
For men, I recommend top hats, and for women, I recommend berets and pointed hats!
We here at Starfare Wedding Boutique offer several different plans to make that once in a lifetime occasion something that you and the love of your life can look back on with fond memories as your paths become one forevermore.
For more information contact Gavilean or Tera Starfare either at their home or their mail boxes at the Red Dragon Inn.
|
|
By ELLY~
We all know there are plenty of beautiful women in RhyDin, but what of the men? There are rumors about that there is a man shortage, but I've found this rumor to be completely false! Everywhere I look, there's a beautiful man, but a perfect man? That's what's hard to find in RhyDin! Of course, I was very lucky the other night when I chanced on what could be the most perfect man I've seen to date!
Even though he's a little slow in the head, and has a speech impediment, Rory O'Corr still has a good heart and a brilliant body! He and his fiancee' were even nice enough to show it to me so I could evaluate it. And even then? He agreed to do a photoshoot so everyone else could see his perfection too!
Of course I had to interview him. So after getting some whiskey in him it helped him be able to talk like normal people to a degree, so most can probably make out the basics of what he's saying!
Elly: "Were you aware you were one of the most perfect looking men in town, if not the most perfect~? I know it's hard to believe, but some beautiful people don't actually realize they're beautiful~! It's just ugly people collaborating against them telling them they're ugly too because they're jealous I think~"
Rory: "Can't say I ain't noticed all tha women that have come m'way… was a big help when I were younger, lookin' fer a place ta stay er somethin' ta pawn fer money an' food… Easier to trick a pretty, rich lady inna partin' with some'a her jewels er cash if'n yer a pretty-boy. So, I guess you can say that I knew I was at least somewhat good-lookin'. As fer people bein' jealous'a one another… I don't see tha point in all'a that. Everyone's got talents er skills er hopefully a good head on their shoulders. Looks can only get ya so far, an' as m'family always say: Beauty fades, dumb is forever."
Elly: "Not all beauty fades~"
"Do you feel your perfection is a curse or blessing~?"
Rory: "Like I said, can't deny that it's helped me along tha way, when me an' me brothers were younger an' causin' a lot'a sleepless nights fer me Ma an' Dah. It can be a lot easier, bein' good-lookin'. Jaysis, this is makin' me feel like a horrible person. Everyone needs somethin' beyond tha physical, be sure that gets in there. It's not enough ta look pretty or have a whole lotta muscles. Ya need somethin' in here.."
Mister O'Corr, of course, indicates his heart. Such a good guy~!
Elly: "You told me that one reason you look the way you do is because you work~ What kind of work do you do and how often do you do it~?"
|
Rory: "Our family has its thumbs in a lot'a pies, an' I try ta help out in 'em all. We own a lot'a ranchland, workin' cattle and horses. Also run a Distillery for Whiskey, a Bakery and a fishin' boat. And a'course tha family Tavern, The Twisted Spur. So with all'a that, plus lately been buildin' me an' my soon-ta-be wife's house, 'Ve been runnin' around a lot. Like ta keep a lot'a fires burnin' at once. Can't stand sittin' still for too long. Can only assume a nice by-product is tha shape it gets me in."
Elly: "So keeping busy has helped you~? I'd have to agree~ I'm always busy and it's helped me look perfect~ You have to take time to relax sometimes though~ But I'm sure you will if you have a wedding and marriage and honeymoon coming up~! So how did you meet your soon to be wife, Charna~?"
Rory: "Aye, our honeymoon is goin' ta be spectacular good fun. Lots of relaxin' an' drinkin' outta glasses with umbrellas an' tha like. 'M lookin' forward ta it very much. Will be nice to get away from all of the daily businesses…
Charna an' I met about three years ago, at tha RDI… where jus' about everyone meets each other, I'd say… This was back when Tyg an' Cai were aroun'… mighta been bafore ya were runnin' 'round causin' witchy trouble.
An'ways, Tyg an' Cai were chasin' one 'nother 'round tha inn as they was wont ta do, all tha bleedin' time. Happened this time, Charna was up at tha top'a tha stairs… Cai knocked inna her, an' well, she ain't got tha best balance'a folks…
Endin' up topplin' down most'a tha stairs, breakin' her nose at tha bottom. I'd seen her aroun' a bit before, first time I lain eyes on her, I knew I wanted ta marry her…
An' I know how that sounds, 'specially in retrospect an' all. But I swear, I knew that first time I seen her, that I wanted her ta be my wife.
An'ways, that was my way in ta talk ta her, came over an' set her nose… an' that was that. Started comin' more ta tha RDI — I was goin' mainly ta tha family bar, The Spur, before that — ta "bump" inna her, an' slowly managed ta convince her she loved me."
Such a sweet story for a sweet guy~!
|
