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DEAR ORACLE STAFF, On top of there being open graves left, now people are leaving bodies laying all over the place! Dangit, the cemetery might be a place for dead people, but at least have the decency to bury the bodies! It's not like there wasn't an empty hole there you could have used, at least until someone else fell into it (like I said would happen!), but even if there wasn't, show some decency and dammit, dig a hole!
An irritated concerned citizen
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DEAR IRRITATED, I'm sending along this brand new shovel curtesy of The Oracle. I'm certain you will enjoy your new career as a gravedigger with your obvious concern over the bodies left unburied.
For All Things Magical
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By STEPHEN KIDD
Well it seem's me new bride is already takin' tae orderin' me arround. Just the other day me was hangin' about on the Pride an' Fury doin' wha' pirates do when in port. Stuff li'e teachin' Siamese orphans 'ow tae sing Welsh sea chanties in three part harmony, and coming up with new and varied uses for cat gut. Well wifey poo 'ead's below deck tae take a look a' me cabin. and while she be down there she decides tae do a lil' cleanin'. Well me hearties she comes a sprintin' back topside hollerin' about the size o' me dust bunnies under me bed. Now let me first say I were nae even, until jus' then aware o' any manner o' beast called a dust bunnie till Jewell started raisin' cane about'em. Well tae make a long story short ye can imagine me dissappointment when there were nae tae kill, but jus' big balls o' dust under me bed.
Now then I am supposed tae be in me quarters currently cleanin', yet 'ere I sit writin' this drivel fer yer's amusement. Me wife will find I jus' ain't tha' domesticated yet. Anyway back tae my point if I even have one. Oh yes Spring cleanin'. Nae self respectin' pirate worth 'is salt is goin' tae
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get all worked up tae clean nothin, and neither should any self respectin' lubber either. A few dust bunnies under yer bed? It add's character, a little mold in the bathroom its distinctive unless of course it gets so bad that you slip on it while getting out of the shower, and split your skull on the edge of the tub. But lets face it yer nae even going tae really be thinkin' about cleanin' if tha' does happen, nae ye will be thinkin' some stupid thought li'e "Ye know wha' sounds good? Cheese flavored gum.".
Now then I know wha' ye all be wonderin'. "Cap'n Stephen wha' do I do wit' all me dust bunnies if I dun clean them li'e me wife say's"? I gots two ideas fer ye. One.. Ye can use the offendin' dust bunnie tae frighten the children o'er a' the RyhDin orphanage. They will enjoy it after all nae many people go an' play wit' them lil' snot noses anyway. Just remember if ye make them cry run fast one o' them women wha' works there takin' care o' them is pretty spry. Two… hide yer dust bunnie til it be the size o' the backend o' a troll an' then petition the govenor (I 'ave heard she can be brided I 'ave.) fer a historic landmark status (This will also help with your taxes.) then charge tourists 5 silvers to see it. Ye can use the profits tae buy yer wife shiney thin's tae keep her distracted from the fact tha' ye nae be cleanin'.
Well lads an' lassies Cap'n Stephen mus' go now, I hear me wife coming down the stairs, and I ain't finished dustin'. Until Next month keep up wind o' the cat heads.
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Don't buy a home, buy an experience! This home is a total experience. Imagine a cave with lush vegetation all around. In the midst of that vegetation is a lake; and in the center of that lake is a palace. This is truly living and entertaining at its best. This home is being sold by our own Oracle Editor, Amaltea Darelir.
(Note by Gav: How the heck did she get all that money? She's getting paid too much!)
RhyDin Tree House If you can't remove an old stump, then build ON it! Tarzan never had it so good. Here's a unique home in the outskirts of our city that is built for all the monkeying around you
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might want to do. This is perfect for those feline denizens who want to keep their claws sharp. Schedule an appointment with Gav. Asking 134,000 silver (the seller, not Gav).
An Ice Maiden's Dream Home! We're always being told that there's nothing being built for the "cool" people in town. Well… here it is! Why live in the burbs when you can live in the BERGS! Icebergs that is. Talk about central AC! If you can get THIS home to melt, you're having way too much fun at night. This one is sure to go fast at only $80,000 silver. Contact Gav at the Oracle for your very private showing.
Do you want to see your home featured? Do you want to sell your house or rent an apartment? Sennd your ((private)) message to Gavilean Starfare.
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Clair Ubert Poe passed away at some point sitting down at the docks apparently is is reported. The events surrounding his death seem to be that they thought he was sleeping only to find in the end he was actually deceased sitting there.
He is survived by his third wife Myradiane, his second wife Lula DeVore, 3 children and his mule Clydie. Also surviving him is his Ma and uncle Twig along with a host of cousins and the Town Crier Morgus.
Clair was a proud member in good standing of the Do Nothin' League, the Poe Memorial Plywood Lodge, and was Honored Hero, ranked King. He held the job of Ale Tester with great pride and did honor to the job like no one before or perhaps any to follow ever will.
Official Tera Starfare Disclaimer: This is not to say that they are dead and gone forever however. This is to say that they are dead, buried, and have gravestones at the time of this printing of The Oracle.
All Creatures Big and Small
HELP WANTED: Ravensheart School is contemplating the expansion of its curriculum to include not only lessons of various magical natures, but also a more normal choice of subjects:
Math, Literature, Science, Health, Cooking, Wilderness survival, horsemanship and more.
We are in need of competent and caring teachers and professors to come and teach the children, all children, of RhyDin here. All those interested, please contact either Sha'uri Arrowny or Briarius Ravensheart at the Ravensheart School for the Gifted.
JOB OPPORTUNITY Seeking a competent and caring Groomsman to care for and help in the process of breeding Firebrand horses here in RhyDin. Experience in the care of horses a must, experience with Firebrand horses is preferred. Will train the right candidate. Room and board can be arranged. Only the serious may inquire at the Ravensheart School for the Gifted. Go to the main Administration building. Ask for Sha'uri.
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Cargo Hauling, cheeeeeeap! — Courier for hire, I can take anything anywhere you want it to go. Contact box in the Red Dragon Inn, room five. Fees negotiable. Misty
Starfare Wedding Boutique — We here at Starfare Wedding Boutique offer several different plans to make that once in a lifetime occasion something that you and the love of your life can look back on with fond memories as your paths become one forevermore. For more information contact Gavilean or Tera Starfare either at their home or their mail boxes at the Red Dragon Inn.
Hellballs Leather Goods — "When you need more than skin, Hellballs Leather Goods. After all, it's your hide you are protecting." — To place your order or for more information contact Woody Sprite. You can leave a message for him at the Red Dragon Inn.
Scathachian Sanctuary — Negotiation-irradication services for victims of injustice. For consultation interview (including fees), one may contact the Sanctuary directly, or Isuelt DeRomiano at the Red Dragon Inn.
Guthorm Othinsson is looking for work as a "Gar Bag Collector!" He says he is willing to "rub out your gar bag" for you anytime, anywhere, in RhyDin and surrounding areas. This Norseman comes with a sterling reputation for always getting the job done no matter how small or how large it may be you can count on Guthorm Othinsson to see to it that the work is done and done right the first time!
Only serious inquiries please. Messages may be left at the Red Dragon Inn in care of Guthorm Othinsson.
To submit your classified send a ((private)) message to the Editor.
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