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By THE DOCKSIDE NEWS REPORT
Sources say that on September 20th, in the midst of the zombie outbreak, Horaetio Renne Arc'err escaped from prison with help. While it is known that he was helped in his escape, the identities of those who helped him is unknown.
The guards were only rendered unconscious, but if Arc'err and his accomplices are ever apprehended, Judge Wright of the RhyDin Municipal Courts says that they will all be dealt with harshly. Prosecutor Harold Lowe, now released from his duties, had no comment on the situation.
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There is currently no reward being offered for Arc'err's capture, as all extra city monies are being directed to rebuilding from the zombie outbreak, but citizens are advised to keep an eye out. The subject is described as small, blue, with large ears, yellow hair, glowing eyes and transparent teeth.
Any sightings should be immediately reported to the RhyDin Watch.
There is currently no reward being offered for Arc'err's capture, as all extra city monies are being directed to rebuilding from the zombie outbreak, but citizens are advised to keep an eye out. The subject is described as small, blue, with large ears, yellow hair, glowing eyes and transparent teeth.
Any sightings should be immediately reported to the RhyDin Watch.
"When you need more than skin, Hellballs Leather Goods. After all, it's your hide you are protecting."
To place your order or for more information contact Woody Sprite. You can leave a message for him at the Red Dragon Inn.
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By THE DOCKSIDE NEWS REPORT
Sponsored by Doom Chicken Inc. and the RhyDin Municipal Courts, the first ever Rubber Ducky Marathon went off without a hitch, despite taking place very soon on the heels of the zombie outbreak.
The charity, which was raising money for the RhyDin Watch Widows' Fund, sold four hundred and fifty ducks at ten silvers apiece. The event was held in the Marketplace, with Doom Chicken Inc. matching each donation.
The winners and their ducky numbers are:
#25 Eve
#390 Brian Ravenlock
#361 Brian Ravenlock
#295 Val Demure
#383 Raiyko Hideo
#250 Snorlax
#299 Wisper
#73 Val Demure
#419 David Cinders
#7 Darkmere Alcar
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From THE DOCKSIDE NEWS REPORT
AFTICA in port, waiting for officers and crew.
Al Na'ir under Captain Maia Cyrene d'Thalia, in port.
Arisugawa under Commodore Gustavus (G'nort) Talanador in port.
Bonny Anne under Captain Mary Read in port.
Dauntless under Captain Gordon Howe in port.
Fiddler's Green under Captain Robert Kidd in port.
L'Orient under Commodore Gustavus (G'nort) Talanador in port.
Marietta under Captain Leif Hawke at sea.
Pride and Fury under Captain Stephen Kidd in port.
Seawolf under Captain James Black at sea.
SpellJammer under Commodore Gustavus (G'nort) Talanador in port.
Suave Holly under Captain Sean Donovan at sea.
Traveler Joshua under Captain Az'myth Donne at sea.
Send all shipping reports to the Dockside News Report for updates and inclusion.
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By ANONYMOUS
Mysterious fliers have started popping up all around RhyDin. Plastered on telephone poles and lamp posts, on building walls, anywhere and everywhere! They've begun to become as big of an infestation as the zombies that just recently breezed through! These fliers say only one thing: "October 1, 2007: don't stand too close to the closet door!"
The fliers appear to be written in a variety of colored crayons, by hand.
The Watch and citizens alike claim that they did not see who had plastered these fliers all over the city, but after the zombie outbreak, most people are inclined to believe that it is a far less dangerous infestation.
Now what, do you think, could that possibly mean?
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From ROB MITCHELL
The RhyDin Animal Hospital is expanding its ability to treat the sick and wounded pets and working animals of RhyDin. Recently given a large contribution towards this project, Jacob Arche (the owner of the facility) has begun expansion in order to better serve the community.
Currently skeletal framework of the addition can be seen, and according to sources, this will lead to the opening of brand new examination rooms as well as expanding the current small front office into something more easily accessible.
Any further contributions towards the RhyDin Animal Hospital can be sent to Jacob Arche.
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By G'NORT DRAGOON-TALANADOR
Hello my faithful readers, or reader. Whomever reads this faithfully. It's yet again another time for an edition of You Know What Really Grinds My Gears? Otherwise known as G's P.O.V.
Sometimes, it's difficult for me to come up with something to write about. Generally it's complaining about the way things are run around here, done, ignored, perceived, etc. Generally, it's just me talking, bitching, complaining. Sometimes it's difficult to narrow it to a single topic. And sometimes it's difficult to remember what I was going to complain about.
It's in this spirit that I say sometimes it's quite easy to find a complaint or three. Some of you may have read in your favorite gossip column about an exchange between myself and some woman named Serena. Well, I'm going to set the record straight as to why there was an exchange.
It starts off like this. Serena's sister came in screaming at the top of her lungs about something she read in a *Gossip Column!* Okay, first point of contention. A gossip column is not based in fact. Gossip columns are telling you, the readers, any juicy bits of information that is so interesting, it will continue to keep you coming back for more. What does all this mean? It means that it's not necessarily true! That seemed to be forgotten. So, instead of running around like a chicken with its head cut off screaming at the top of your lungs that your S/O is a cheating bastard,(Which he may very well be) it's always best to verify this information before you look foolish when you find out it may not have been true.
Secondly, the screaming part. Is it necessary to scream? I don't mean this one incident. There's been several times where someone will come around and just start yelling at the top of his/her lungs about everything they can. It's obnoxious. Believe me, I know, I'm well versed in how to be obnoxious. You're an adult and there's absolutely no reason to be screaming at the top of your lungs, either about how your S/O cheated on you, or because you're trying to wake someone sleeping or any other reason. Be a responsible person. Discuss private patters respectably and with normal tones. You're likely to get better response from them about the incident. Instead of screaming holy hell at the top of your lungs trying to wake someone up, be a man and shake them gently to get their attention. If that doesn't work, be the prankster who dips their hand in a bowl of warm water and watch everyone get a good laugh.
The third part, If someone is screaming so loud that it's annoying, then they're screaming like a banshee. The Banshee is a creature well known for its keening wail, a scream so loud it physically hurts. So, the common comparison is that the person is screaming like a banshee. It's a figure of speech. Get used to it because people use many figure of speeches. It's like saying "Hi baby!" Are you actually a baby? No, you're a woman and your S/O has a pet name for you. "I'm so hungry I could eat a horse!" You're hungry, yes, but could you actually eat a horse? Doubtful. The size of the horse is not comparable to the size of even an above average sized person's stomach.
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Unless you, yourself, are a large beast, you won't eat a horse, and even then, you probably won't finish it. Large beasts generally stick to sheep. They're slower and are more filling and are high in fibre.
Next, we're adults here. If someone insults someone else, I'm pretty sure they can stick up for themselves, there's no need to step in. However, I'm not too harsh on this subject, because defending others is an honorable action and done with good intentions. However, since I'm selfish and egotistical, I'm going to take the high road on this and say let them defend themselves.
And lastly on this sort of subject, this goes for everyone, from children to women to old men. If you're man enough to take a shot at another man, you'd better damn sure be man enough to take a return shot. This is specifically aimed at those who think I was a dastardly person for hitting Serena back. I don't know where people got the crazy idea that I'm chivalrous, because I'm not really, but if you're going to hit me, I'm going to hit you back unless I'm already convinced I deserved it. So, Serena stepping up and punching me first was enough of a reason for her to get hit back by me. And like a man, she took it without complaint! So, instead of condemning me for hitting a woman, congratulate her for taking a hit!
Yeah, so, if you're going to scream loud, expect annoyed reactions. If you read something from a gossip column, expect it to be exaggerated or untrue. Verify facts. React respectably and quietly so as not to disturb others. If you throw a punch, be prepared for retribution since for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.
In a side argument, some people seem to be confused over the situation I am finding myself in. Namely, why have I been seen flirting with other women? It's permissible in my marriage to flirt with others. Hell, it's common enough to see my wife, when she's around, being flirtatious as well. The only time it becomes cheating is when something against the rules actually happens. Remember this: It's NOT cheating if it Is Not against the rules! G'naughty G'nort, indeed! Luckily, I like that nickname.
In closing, tough women are hot, Serena, you know where to find me, screaming and whiny women are a major turn off. If you think your significant other cheated on you, break up with them and sleep with their best friend, that way, you find out that the best friend is better in bed, you're satisfied sexually finally, and emotionally because you got revenge, and the S/O is all grumbly because of it all, and leave it at that.
Being single is more fun anyway.
Common Goods
At Uncommon Prices
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